HOW TO BEGIN BELIEVING WHEN YOU RESIST IT

In creativity, Human Potential, Inspiration, Lifehack, Mental Health, Motivation, Recovery, Work in Progress, Writing by Beth Lapides

Everything is unfolding in divine and perfect order.
The first time I heard that sentence
I wanted so badly
To believe it was true.

But since I didn’t believe it
Wasn’t able to believe it
I was jealous of the person saying it
Who apparently was able to believe it
I was judgy too
It didn’t seem smart to believe it
I was confused about wanting to believe it
Almost ashamed

Wow.
That was a lot to feel from one sentence.

At some point after that
Might of been a week.
Might have been a few months
Maybe a year?

Sequencing not my long suit.
Sequins?
Totally my long suit.
So sometime later
Something was unfolding
In decidedly not divine and perfect order.
And because I didn’t want to be upset – though I was
I said
Everything is unfolding in divine and perfect order.
Sarcastically.
Totally sarcastically.

And something shocking happened.
Almost immediately I had a shift in perspective.
I said it as a joke
But as soon as I did
It was absolutely the truth.

Somehow I saw the long view.
I understood the true nature of the unfoldment was subtle
I felt less compelled to try to control it
More compelled to be in acceptance
And more able to see what was funny
For instance
Me now believing
Despite my resistance to my longing for it
Things were in fact
Unfolding in divine and perfect order.
It might have been some night at UnCab.
Probably was.

I wanted to be able to believe it
And here I was.
Believing it.
We get to believe whatever we want to believe.

One of my friends told me he wishes he could believe in the afterlife
But he can’t.
You can if you want to I said.
Nope he said.
Then a pause.
I do get messages from my deceased husband pretty regularly he said.
Like what I ask.
Oh they’re subtle he says.
Which I take to mean private.
But then why not believe in it I ask.
I just can’t he said.

Why not experiment with believing.
Ask what would happen if I believed what I want to believe.
It’s like clothes.
You get to try anything on.
You can make a decision
To believe in something different.
And walk around with it.
Just see.

Make an internal shift.
First I didn’t really believe it.
I was just someone who might believe it.
Who might believe what they wanted to believe.
Now I believe everything is unfolding
In divine and perfect order.

I did have to come to a new understanding of the word perfect.
But that’s another story.
And this is enough.
For now.

And being for now?
That’s one of the reasons I did want to so badly
Believe in the divine unfolding.
The way it grounds me in the now.
I love the word unfolding too.
It’s a different word than happening.
Unfolding suggests its all already there.
And unfolding like an infinite oragami
Made of the most magical gossamer
Translucent and yet strong as steel.

And when it seems like that’s not what’s happening
It’s partly that I have forgotten what I believe.
That happens.
We all do.
Being human is a state of forgetfulness.
That’s why all those Insta memes
Reminding you of everything you already know.

Scrolling btw
Is the linear version of unfolding.
Unfolding goes in all directions simultaneously
Everything effects everything else
Scrolling is linear and narrow.

And if the illusion makes it seem
Like things aren’t unfolding in divine and perfect order.
It may be that we haven’t gotten through this waking up part.

But it may be that we are now sufficiently mobilized
And the green world is just a breath away.

Who knows.
The mystery is the thing.
And uncertainty about things that feel they should be certain
Makes us forget to value the mystery.

Everything worth experiencing
Happens as we enter the unknown.
Which is to say
Everything is unfolding
In divine and perfect order.

Unfold with us the third Sunday of every month this year.
Sunday was so sublime.
Thanks to All who were part of it.

And Sunday March 15

Promises to be as well.

xo Your Sunday Girl xox Beth

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