Performative Gratitude

In and around a truly wonderful in-person-with-loved-ones Thanksgiving yesterday
#supergratefulforthat
I read an instagram post
From an influencer who says she stopped doing gratitude lists
And she didn't know why.
She also had a gratitude text group she opted out of.
She said she is grateful but
She just doesn't want to anymore and isn't sure why.

I shared with her something that was helpful.
So.

Here's the thing about gratitude lists.
I started - and we all do
During a challenging time.
I mean no one reaches for new tools
When everything is fabulous. 

And gratitude lists were one of many things
That did help.
But a gratitude list isn't a magic wand.
It's a focusing tool. A lens.
For as long as it takes to write it.
So it helps if to does take some time to write
Which means it helps if you don't write the same list every day
Even if it means leaving off some of the things you are most grateful for
Call them your favorites
Make My Favorites your number one
Then find nine other things. 
You end up spending time fine tuning your focus.

Sometimes even a slow thoughtful list wasn't enough. 
Those times I would do a persistent gratitude practice.
Literally naming whatever was right in front of me.
I'm grateful for the doorknob.
I'm grateful for the ground.
I'm grateful for the glass in the window.
Keep it small, present, front and center.
So there is no room for whining.
No room for self pity.
No room for complaints.
As 'valid' as they may be.

There's one variation that's been super helpful
A gratitude meditation
I learned from a yoga teacher in an 11th step yoga class.
Get centered. 
Focus on your breath if you like.
Don't try to think of what you are grateful for.
Clear your mind.
And whatever floats in
Be grateful for that.
And think about the why.
Say the thought is my hip hurts.
I'm grateful because it means I know I have to adjust my posture.
I'm grateful because it makes me aware
Of how comfortable the rest of my body is.
I'm grateful for the perfectly imperfect nature of life.

This one is the most revolutionary gratitude practices
It's the learning to be grateful
For the full experience of life.
What's the point in only being grateful for the 'good' stuff?
100% Happy 88% of the Time and all that.

Being grateful is not the same as being glad. 

I like expanding the gratitude practice beyond a list.
Gratitude comes from a word 
Meaning to praise, to celebrate. 
And really a list doesn't always feel like that
A list can feel flat, rote, like a task, not a celebration. 

Two other thoughts.

I suggested to this influencer
She was gratitude list shy
Because we've entered an era
Of performative gratitude. 
She said she had never heard that before.
Yeah cause I just thought of it in response to her post.
#haha
Performative gratitude 
Is hard to describe
But you know it when you encounter it.
It has a certain smell.
#awardsacceptancespeeches

And finally I remember a Hanukah.
In my awkward preteen years.
My Aunt Renee seemed excited about the gift she was giving me.
When I unwrapped it and saw it was a little chest of drawers.
Cardboard drawers
I was underwhelmed, disappointed. 
I wanted so much.
And this was not even close to any of it.
I wanted so much that I couldn't even express. 
Maybe I thought there would be a clue in that box.
Doesn't matter though.
Just say a nice thank you.
Of course.
And mean it.
Of course.
No one else is going to fix it.
Of course.

I hadn't gotten that yet.
And I must have given a very half hearted thanks.
Because I remember being reprimanded by my mom.

Gift actually comes from a word meaning to give or receive.
And just being part of that energy flow
Giving and receiving gratefully on both ends 
Just the practice of it
Is what it's about.

Gift giving and the gratitude - celebration of the giving and receiving exchange
Is just a training ground for our whole lives.
It's kind of the whole thing.
That dance. 

You are a gift.
Given and received.
Giving and receiving everyone you come into contact with.

And I'm very grateful you have found your way here.

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