Yesterday was my 10th anniversary of not drinking.
And I woke up happy.
Despite All This.
There’s something about knowing
That by showing up one day at a time
A seemingly hopeless situation can change.
If you do.
I carry that in my heart as I make my way through these dark times.
I sometimes feel like I’d like to take the edge off.
To check out.
Then I laugh at myself because it is simply by persistently not taking the edge off
That I have accumulated the experience, strength and hope
To be able to suit up and show up in situations that were beyond my imagination.
If you find yourself stuck
Feeling like a victim of circumstance
Unable to move forward
Surrounded by fear you’re afraid of.
If you have taken the first steps and it’s hard.
That is ok. It is hard.
I cried for a few years.
Over the ten years I’ve found ways to change my thinking.
Thinking creates feeling.
Thoughts are wavelengths.
They create reality.
Over ten years I’ve gotten more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
I’ve gotten much better at saying I don’t know.
Less is always being revealed.
As one of my angels taught me.
Sometimes over these ten years
The best I could do was not make it worse.
Sometimes I could do more.
Sometimes I am able to believe
That I love uncertainty because there’s more god there.
God. I have come to my own and ever changing understanding of god.
I have learned to love it.
I have learned to listen.
I disdained it.
Now I try to be it.
I try to live the serenity prayer.
In my first few years I moved 18 times.
In that time so much fell away.
There was room for the tide of new life to come in.
These things cracked my heart open.
And without substances to glue it together there was room for the light to come in.
I looked at those Japanese broken bowls
With the gold holding the shards together.
The cracks make us beautiful.
We are not broken.
We are broken open another friend persistently told me.
When I was distraught about regrets
I was told to make new memories.
And I have.
I am scared for America.
But I also know in my heart that just because things are awful
Does not mean they aren’t also getting better.
We clean up our wreckage.
And as we do we become stronger.
And able to do more of the work of being of service.
Hope, I’ve discovered, is not about the future.
But about a way of being in the now.
I’m so grateful for the gifts I’ve been given in these ten years.
For the invitation to enter this new way of living.
For the wisdom that’s been shared with me.
For the patience I’ve been shown.
For the mercy of the water.
The guidance of the angels.
For the forgiveness.
Given and received.
For the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
We can create miracles
Miracles do happen.
If we don’t let our fear drive.
Love invents us.
And re-invents us.
And UnCabaret is scientifically designed
To bolster the fight against fear.
To foster action.
To raise the vibe.
To help during these next 70 something days.
Be with us.
xx Your Sunday Girl xx Beth