In Uncategorized by Beth Lapides

We’re mid move of the UnCab offices.
They were there.
And now they are going to be here.
Along with the rest of life.
Which is already here.

Moving from there to here.
Just was so much of what we lived this past year.
In the big way.
So I feel a little bit practiced.
But still.

It’s just a guest house.
Won’t be that big a move.
She said right before admitting.
Every move is a big move.

Fun fact: I once moved 18 times in 2 years.
That’s the next book.

I’m moving from there to here.
I liked going there.
But I also liked staying here.
I was going to move when I finished one of the two projects
I’m in the middle of.
That seemed like perfect timing.

But then there shifted.
As there will.
And here too.
Because you know
When the butterfly
Flaps it’s wings in China.
Well here and there are only a few blocks apart.
So the butterfly effect
Is strong and quick.

Here and there.
It’s all now.
But you can’t see time.
So we make places.

And so now
I’m mid move.
Such a comfortable place to be.
With all your stuff out of drawers.
Yes you did have fun in that shirt.
No it does not look good on you now.
Plus the tear.
But the fun.
And every bottle of shampoo
You tried hated and kept
Sitting there mocking you.

Reminding myself over and over.
The thing I’d most like to bring with me.
Peace of mind.
Hope about the future.

But what about the memories.
What if I need to remember?
So faith.
That the memories of urgency
Will follow along.
Like a row of baby ducks.
And the memories of no use
Will fly away
Like crows.
Leaving in their place
Quiet and the possibility of songbirds heard.

So I’m moving from there to here wholly.
Part of me wishes the timing were different.
But most of me?
Everything is unfolding in divine and perfect order.
Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way
Wouldn’t it be more perfect if I decided when?
Chaos makes a lovely dancing partner.
The desire for control.
it doesn’t have to be indulged.

So, here’s the thing.
I’m mid move.
And I tweaked my back
Not sure what I did
But it started spasming.
So I took the spasm meds.
But they weren’t quite working.
And I hate how they make me feel.
Checked out.
But I was rolling with it
And icing
And I remembered.
My acupressure mat.
I bought a new one mid-pandemic.
Because my old one was so ratty.
I couldn’t bring it here.
There’s a point past which things
Are dissembling so muchly
That they can’t be reasonably relocated.
So I Amazoned a new one.
That was two hours of decision making
I’ll never get back.

I remembered the acupressure mat.
In the midst of remembering everything
I am remembering while I pack.
I remembered something useful.
I mean that’s kind of the trick isn’t it?

I remembered the mat
And I thought
That might help.
And I lay down on it.
At first it hurts so much
You think well it’s just distracting me from the other pain.
It hurst so much
And it hurts so good.
Twenty minutes later
I’d had enough and got up.
The spasm was gone.
Really? Yes.
Except for the ghost of it.

Healing always feels like a miracle.
The unfracturing.

Pain is a contraction of time.
Unpain is time expanding.
Maybe that’s what the thousands of needles poking into you does.
You can be sure I already moved
Space,Time and Medicine.
The book where I learned that
The solution to pain
Is slowing time down.
I don’t know why.
Maybe because pain is a here.
And time is a now.

If you have pain
Try the acupressure mats.
And even if not –
Try to stand on one a few minutes a day.
There’s so much action in the feet.

I’m going to move mine
Over to there now.
To box up the filing cabinet.
I know
Digitize it all.
Some day.

But not next Sunday.
May 23.
When I’ll be on the stairs.
Hoping to see your face in the mosaic.
It’s going to be an especially fun one.
Because I’ll be fully and wholly here.