In Hollywood, Human Potential, Inspiration, Life, Lifehack, Motivation, UNCABARET, Writing by Beth Lapides

So you decided not to panic about the coronavirus – yay.
Then decided you better be safe – sure.
Then went to get Purell
Only to find people who panicked already bought to it all – fuck.

So then went online – and beat yourself up cause should have started online silly.
Only to find that now Purell is like liquid gold.
$1k an ounce or something.
If you can even get your dirty hands on it.

But then got distracted with BidenBernieBlueNoMatterWho intricacies
So haven’t gotten up to googling
How to make your own hand sanitizer…
Here you go – and you’re welcome.

1. Fill a container with 2/3 alcohol.
Yes. It can be vodka. Unless you are in danger of relapsing.
And as long as it’s 60% alcohol.
2. Then fill the container with aloe vera.
3. Add a few drops of essential oil if you like.
Especially Thieves Oil. But peppermint, lavender etc.
All good.
4. Stop touching your face.

Which is actually the title of Chapter 8 of Did I Wake You?
My book of haiku. Published in 2006.
Ahead of my time as per usual.
(List of Chapter Titles below for your amusement).

It’s something my facialist used to say to me.
Stop touching your face.
And this morning as I resisted the urge to do it
Stop touching your face Beth.
I started to wonder why?
Why do we touch our faces so much?

So first I googled How many times a day…
Do people touch their face was Google’s first suggestion.
As it turns out… want to guess?
That is a lot.

But why?
Yeah to scratch our itches
And rest our heads in.
And cover up our lies apparently.

But I mean can that account for 3000 times a day?
There must ne more.

Maybe there’s some existential thing?
Is our face the most us part of us.
We recognize ourselves through our face.
And so we touch it.
The most basic form of self knowledge?

Or some sort of evolutionary advantage?
The more we touch our faces
The more we preen
The more attractive we are
The more we procreate?

Or is it a kind of self soothing.
I’m me and I’m here.
Touch touch touch.
Keeping us from panic attacks
As we wonder if we are here.
And why everything is so… so.
3000 times a day.

Have the itches and all
Emerged as reasons
To get us to touch our faces?

Thinking about it.
About it all.

And also isn’t making someone laugh
The best way of touching their face.
Without needing any hand sanitizer.
In fact increasing all sorts of health benefits.
Yay laughing.
Come be with us.

This is exactly the kind of moment UnCabaret is built for.
Such a big now with so much to cover.
The way it unfolds in the stories in each of our lives.

Get your tickets now!
Very much looking forward to the high vibes.

xo Your Sunday Girl xox Beth

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